Common Sense

Ten Things I Hate Don’t Like Very Much

1. Vacuum Cleaner/ Lawnmower Noises. We have silent JETS. Why can’t someone mass produce something quiet to suck up my trash. Get on it, inventors.

2. Dirty Living Spaces/Cars/Life. Sometimes I’ll just be sitting at home with a headache, wondering why I feel all gross, and I look at my floor, and immediately need to clean to get any sort of relief. I’m nuts.

3. Library Due Dates. I must have donated thousands of dollars to the effin library in my life. Can’t they just except the fact that I need them for longer and just let me have it.

4. The way your hands are still wet after you wash them and dry them with a towel. Or worse, the way your hands feel after getting fed up with holding them under a half-assed blow dryer at school. I mean, honestly, those things don’t do shit.

5. Rotten Rancid Ketchup. Now, this seems like it would be a once in a lifetime kind of thing, and for a while it was. I was in New York, and my sister and I put some ketchup on fries, and it started bubbling. Yeah. So ever since, I have to smell ketchup before I eat it. It was just a joke for a while, but, honestly, one out of ten is bad. No lie. Restaurants just refill ketchup bottles before they are empty so the bottom stays old. Mmmm. Not.

6. Discussions like “What IS truth” or “What IS art.” Because, honestly, they all end up the same way, people always make the same cliché statements, and it’s annoying.

7. Stupid Unavoidable Catch phrases. Like, when all of a sudden you find yourself saying one thing in response to whatever anyone else says, even if you don’t like the phrase. I hate saying cool beans, but I can’t avoid it. And lately, my response to everything has been “sweet,” and that's just wrong.

8. Ugly people that make out all over school. One thing I’m not going to miss about high school. There is no other age where people have to grope each other in PUBLIC because they aren’t allowed to be alone in PRIVATE at home.

9. The Disney Channel. I hate stupid kids TV shows. I mean, I know a lot of people watch them, but, honestly, they all make the same predictable jokes and are so lame. Why can’t we show our children intelligent funny things. We are raising a nation of stupid funny. And that’s not cool.

10. The way I’m seconds away from busting into ridiculous tears every time anyone says anything about graduation. I’m so completely ready to leave, but I get all gross and weepy at the thought of “this is the last time...” and “OMG, you’re really leaving” and “Too bad you’re going so far, and I’ll never see you again” and all the stupid graduation songs that I hate but find myself sobbing to. Effing hormones.

Holy Moses, I love lists. Lists are totally #1 on my list of Things I Love Like A Good Deal

posted by Allison Jones @ Monday, June 12, 2006