October 01, 2006

I want to be loud.

I want to be loud enough for the whole world to hear me shout, to tell everyone that I can do this, I can do independence, I can do loneliness with style, I can be this person, and I can do it well. I find myself missing all of my familiars, those people that know me as a concept as well as a person. I'm sitting here in this silent library, caffiene running through my veins, wanting more than anything to scream out loud. I want to tell the world that I'm worth paying attention to, I'm worth taking chances on, because damnit, I am. I'm also seeking forgiveness, sending out waves of love and growth and emotional depth to all of those that have fallen away. I have no regrets, but so many things I want to make better.

I want to shout, I want to be podcast into everyone's brain, into their dreams, so that when they see me in the waking life they will know it was me, it was me that haunted their sleep with my self affirming proclamations that can only be reduced to graffiti on bathroom walls.

THe singular of graffiti is graffito.

More reading to be done, more screaming to desire, more guilt to be savored.

Heavier curtains being drawn over your eyes and mine, you invisible you. Confirm my suspicions or confirm my doubts, but please don't leave me in suspense.


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