September 22, 2006

L'Shana Tova tikatevu

Love to everyone, may your year be as sweet as these freakin awesome apples and honey.

September 19, 2006

Time passes by so slowly here.

It's too odd. I've only been here for four weeks? What!? I feel like I've already established a life here. I mean, despite the fact that I have this consistant feeling of loneliness and I'm haunted by the realization that nobody really knows who I am yet, but, you know, other than that it's great.

I want a Zach Braff. The girls and I have been watching the first season of Scrubs nonstop, and goddamn it I want a dorky, sweet, awkwardly attractive boy. But no. I'm stuck making love to my printer as it spews out thirty pages of art history reading.

I want to believe in magic. Ken the Chinese Religion God makes me want to see magic in our readings, but all I see is skepticism, and all my conference leader in Hum talked about today was how sincere the lyric poetry was... but all the fucking poems were about loss, not love.

Come on, throw me a bone, here, Aphrodite. I can make someone happy, I know it.

Yeah, I'm a stalker, so what.

But first, Hum Conference notes.

So, while attempting to write my religion paper that was due a few minutes ago, I succeeded in looking out my window no less than 20 times to see if the attractive guy sitting outside the window on the lawn was still out there. And, up until the last check, he was, but, of course, as soon as I actually FINISH the paper, he's gone. Not that I would have had the balls to walk up to him and offer him some sort of hot beverage or sexual company, but that doesn't mean I can't get upset at the loss of the opportunity.

Why can't the tables be reversed, why can't the guys be the one's stalking. I mean, I guess sometimes they are... and that's no less depressing... but, I feel like, you know... oh, goodness, too many flaws in this argument, I give up.

Here's to just letting shit happen.

Random Downpour on a Tuesday Mix:
Neutral Milk Hotel - Love You More Than Life
Reindeer Section - Will You Please Be There For Me
Peter Mulvey - On The Way Up
The Mountain Goats - Song For Dennis Brown
Keren Ann - Just
Kings of Convenience - Sorry or Please

September 18, 2006

This is what we call prolific.

So, I managed to read about a third of the chapter for art history, and I pretty much lucked out completely, seeing as I brought up the first point (from what I'd actually read) and we stayed on that point all conference... Sweet.

So, these notes started off as a sketch of the guy sitting across from me... like ya do.

I guess we're off to an epic downtown, another Apple Store misadventure. I feel so bad that these girls are having negative experiences with their Macs... I guess they were just sacrificial lambs of the beta bugs.

I'm slowly assembling all of these puzzles in my brain, assisted by the wonders of liberal education. I'm starting to get an objective view of those grand conversations I hate, the What is Art, the Why Religion, the do I need a relationship to believe in myself... Ok, well, that one isn't really intrinsically being discussed in any conference, but I don't know, maybe this self revelation seems... not-so-impulsive? Call it the independence, call it the lack of contact with my past and the outside world, call it the... change in sleeping patterns? Whatever it is, it feels new. Then again, it always does.

Afternoon song on repeat:
Cake - Satan Is My Motor.

Ancestral worship is hot.

I'm avoiding going to the library to get the book I need to read for Art History... for today's class... in an hour... ugh.

Here's one from Chinese Religion today... It's happy, really.

Afternoon depressing song choice:
The Last 5 Years - If I Didn't Believe In You

"If I didn't believe in you, I'd never have loved you... at all."

Teaching is fundamentally erotic.

New goal: Use blog as a documentation of my intellectual development through note-taking doodles. Oh, and as a means of relating, to you, my humble reader, the details of my search for a reliable man.

First up: Sappho lecture notes.

Make note: Eros is independent of human desires. Therefore, one cannot blame oneself. God bless scapegoats.

Rainy Monday Mix

Of Montreal - Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games
Patty Griffin - Rain
Bob Dylan - Tangled Up In Blue
Dion and the Belmonts - Abraham, Martin, and John
Mountain Goats - Pale Green Things
Josh Ritter - Come and Find Me
White Stripes - Stop Breaking Down

September 08, 2006

Honor Principle. Fucking Jerks.

Someone straight up stole my entire pack of Heath Candy Klondike Bars from the fridge in the common room. Not cool, man. It's not even the absence of the ice cream, because, you know, whatever, I can live without it, but the simple fact that someone took it... sucks ass. What happened to the Honor Principle? Seriously.

And I don't want to be that girl who asks people who stole her shit. But god god damnit damnit I'm upset.

On a side note, the Hum lecture this morning was odd... all of us were pretty exhausted from our late night music/chill fest... but the lecturer kept repeating words... and phrases... and not just for emphasis, but restating the same phrase the same way every few sentences. Allie summed it up with "ok, thanks Rainman..." It was too weird, he had this really hypnotic voice and all we were hearing was "In book 24 he accepts his fate accepts his fate and returns to the battle, filled with rage filled with rage."

I have no desire to write this. I don't know... This place is weird. I love it, don't get me wrong, but it just feels... like it's always raining dichotomies. You can't judge but you will be judged if you judge. You can't work too hard but you cant get through life here without killing yourself.

I hate the past and all his lies and all his advances and all his promises and all his love. Fuck you. In my mind, you stole my ice cream. Maybe now you can give back my heart. Not that I could use it around these parts, but it would be nice to have it back in my posession.

September 04, 2006

I realized today that I want to be like the skeleton of a dinosaur
millions of years from now,
when some new species digs up the remains of a human
and puts it up in a museum of nautural history,
a single creature standing in as a representative of a whole.
When they sit around and wonder what the world was like,
I'd want to be what they strive to put into context,
their schema of life in the past.
I want to be the lone example of humanity.